We hear a lot about people having emotional intelligence (EQ) but seldom consider the consequences of emotional stupidity.

A family I knew, with a reasonable – but not vast – fortune lost all their money through emotional stupidity. Now they live on the low end of life, licking their wounds, divided, hurt and irreconcilable. Why?

Because the most senior, responsible member of the family, who was already head the business, tried to micro-manage his siblings and parents, tried to run every detail of the business, trusted nobody so that nobody trusted him and ended up in one of the most expensive law suits ever heard. The small fortune went to the lawyers. The family was left with nothing.

As an example of emotional stupidity it doesn’t get much worse than this. Sadly, it happens all too often. There are four main causes of emotional stupidity: pride (sometimes expressed as ‘bloody-mindedness’), greed, self-destructiveness, ‘short-termism’.

People in charge have to be confident. You cannot lead a business if you are indecisive, uncertain, lacking in conviction. You must be strong to be a good leader. Unfortunately, many of those in positions of responsibility are not strong. So they use what they think are authority-asserting tactics – harsh treatment, bullying, rudeness.

If only they knew! Such behaviour merely tells their subordinates that they are weak – but trying to look strong. It produces all the wrong responses – low morale, sullenness, unwillingness to go the extra mile, a desire for revenge, sometimes theft, occasionally physical attack.

Success becomes greed when it turns into EXcess. And excess is disproportion, getting things out of reasonable relationship to each other. It is essential to be ambitious, to fight the commercial battle with vigor and thrust. We live in a capitalist world and it has done many people well, increasing their choice, their health and their comfort and lengthening their lives. But we have to temper the corporate battle with common sense about rewards or we get super-rich and super-poor, even within a single business.

Nobody has yet defined an acceptable gap between the economic top and bottom of our society. We are all very conscious that it is a great deal smaller than exists at present in the world.

What of self-destructiveness? Surely we are not out to destroy ourselves? You would be surprised at how many people are inherently self-destructive, sometimes even self-harming. It is nearly always an attention-getting tactic by those who feel neglected, sidelined or ignored. It is emotionally stupid but its causes have to be discovered and dealt with; just criticizing it won’t solve the problem.

‘Short-termism’ is the seeking of instant gratification irrespective of longer-term damage. We are currently watching the consequences of this form of emotional stupidity in international banking and climate change.

How do we root out emotional stupidity and empower ourselves to be rational and intelligent? The answer is “we do it ourselves”. Others may help, guide, encourage but the will and effort is always ours. Neil Armstrong said that the hardest part of his journey to the Moon and back was getting out of bed on the day of the flight. I believe him. That first step is the really hard one. The others follow more easily.

And how is the first step determined? By asking and answering a simple question: What do I want out of the current situation? A calm appraisal of the facts, a rational assessment of the desired outcome, a cool approach to the best way to achieve it, all this plus politeness and good humour will yield great results.

Plus lower blood pressure. A bonus for everyone.