Brexit Lite

They must have been sweating a bit as they watched the old product creak its way into the late 20th Century and anticipated a demise in the following one. Then a bright spark yelled EUREKA! (I expect) and COKE LITE was born – lower raw material costs, higher margins – the secret of all commercial success – and a chance to beef up the promotion and advertising to be more in harmony with a younger generation. Off with the Martial, on with the Mild.

And so it is with Brexit. Just as us writers think we have wrung the last drop out of the sorry saga along comes another thought. ‘If this is as serious as it looks we’d better taker a lighter view.’ After all, the most serious things in life have a bright side to them, don’t they? So we get…

BREXIT
LITE

They told her that it couldn’t be done.
She said there was nothing to it.
So she tackled that thing that couldn’t be done
…and couldn’t do it.

We’ll resist adding Sinatra’s song ‘My way’. Apparently it isn’t going to be done her way. Or, perhaps, even done at all. And there’s the ray of hope. The Forex manipulators cannot make up their minds but one thing they are reasonably certain about is that abandoning the Brexit altogether will benefit sterling no end. But what will it do for Britain?

Aye, there’s the rub. A country that is divided almost equally on an issue like Brexit cannot be reconciled by another vote. I want one because I think the Remainers will win, but if so the victory will be Pyrrhic. What has led to such an impasse? What is making people on both sides so passionate? What, if anything, will produce an answer that satisfies the majority?

Compromise is the Great British Solution to most things. We’ve explored ‘half in, half out’ and that doesn’t work. We are on the cusp of a so-called ‘Norway PLUS’ agreement but we don’t have Norway’s Sovereign Fund to fall back on. There’s really only one thing for it. Each to his or her own. London in, Midlands out, Scotland in, East Anglia out, Northern Ireland in, Isle of Wight out.

To achieve this balanced result we need to redefine all the electoral constituencies. The political parties will of course be renamed Remain and Brexit. Joint Prime Ministers will be locked away in their combo office in Westminster moving the pieces on the Lego Board to achieve maximum satisfaction for all. The Queen will remain Queen of the newly identified Common Poverty. She will also remain Queen of the Common Wealth, it goes without saying.

A small but significant benefit from this arrangement is that Mrs May will be able to retire. The story that she has worn out six pairs of shoes traipsing to and from Brussels is probably apocryphal.

For all that, I have had it confirmed that something I was taught when young is true.

Hell hath no fury like a woman’s corns.